Variety Show rite - Sunday session

[crittersheep]

[ All participants are whisked into a game show studio. Above them there is a giant sign in neon lights declaring: "Pasture BAAARIETY SHOW with your hosts the Late Show Demon and Warden the Insult Comic Jackalope!" A swell of live applause begins even though the lights make it impossible to see who could possibly be out there in the audience stands, but everyone can tell they're being watched.

Each flock, some with added Weeds, find themselves standing behind a podium. There is a counter on each podium that currently reads zero. ]



[ The Late Show Demon waves to the invisible audience then taps some note cards...which promptly go up in flames. It looks like it's showtime! ]

Comments

Talk Show Portion

[crittersheep]

[ This is the brief amount of time you have to get your bearings and see who else is here before the host's monologue is over and the game begins. The rules will be explained to you diegetically, but you also instinctively know that this is a team game. Earning points will mean the team with the highest score wins. Flock and canon powers are on, but cannot be used against the hosts, and if you try to fuck things up enough nobody is going to win any fabulous prizes (TM). ]

Re: Talk Show Portion

[poisonista]

... let's get this over with, then.

[despair_to_live]

Aw, didja miss me?

Re: Talk Show Portion

[strateelgic]

[Levi's hands are dripping wet. Can't he just clean up in peace?]

[jerkalope]

Hehe, oops. We were expecting contestants with cold feet but not wet hands.

[despair_to_live]

...I like it.

Re: Talk Show Portion

[throughbamboo]

Hmm.

Re: Talk Show Portion

[soulsurvivore]

[ sits here boredly, just waiting to judge. nbd. ]

Round 1: Wrong Answers Only

[crittersheep]

Rules

[jerkalope]

The object of this game is basically in the title. I give you an open ended question, something like telling me what is the meaning of life, and you answer with any anything as long as it isn’t correct!

For this game we will be asking: “Why did Blossom decide to pull someone’s soul to the pasture?”

This should be easy since we all know she doesn’t really plan things and everything here is a cascade of bad decisions made in a moment of panic. That said, if we were to pretend it was true an appropriate answer can be:

“Hannya, for his depth perception”
“Tart, for his rampant enthusiasm.”
“Crescendo to begin his villain origin story.”

Each answer gets 100 points. The more objectively incorrect the answer is, the more likely you will get bonus points. You can go back for repeats, so if you have six different wrong answers for why a certain flock member was chosen, you can beat that dead Peony horse for all it’s worth. And, yes, you can still use Peony as your examples even though they’ve departed for greener pastures or more socialization-proofed basements.

Rose answers

[crittersheep]

Nue answers

[crittersheep]

Queen answers

[crittersheep]

Discussion

[crittersheep]

[ if you need to strategize or talk shit about the jackalope ]

Round 2: Nursery Crimes

[crittersheep]

Rules

[jerkalope]

Next game is Nursery Crimes. Hey, have you ever noticed how we had some weird themes going on here in this pasture? Like Little Bo Peep if she made a detour through all the Grimms fairy tales that involved casual murder. Well, this game aims to recreate that distilled joy of creating a memorable ditty that you can teach small children who will repeat it over and over again, and only later learn how deeply disturbing the lyrics were really meant to be. Probably in therapy.

Your task is to create a nursery rhyme, using whatever topics you’re familiar with. For example,

[ clears throat and brings up the world’s tiniest violin ]

Hey diddle diddle, here’s me with a fiddle
On route to the Bell shop for a snack.
To Coco I grin, show off my violin
And her reply was, I quote, “That’s wack!”

Now, just giving you time to write that would actually be too easy. Except for the flocks who have trouble with group assignments…

But that lets us introduce the other part of the game, where the other teams and our, ehe, esteemed fellow judge will each suggest an object you have to include in your rhymes. It doesn’t have to be the literal word, but if someone asks for, say, psychedelic mushrooms, you have to at least reference fungi.

Nursery rhymes can be as long and unhinged as you want, extra points will go to creativity and style. Or maybe extra points will go to how well you sabotage the other teams, I leave that to… [ glancing at the Talk Show Host Demon and Faith ] …collaborative judgement.

Me, I’m here solely for your sick flow and the potential warping of young, impressionable minds! So get ready and go!

Rose turn in

[jerkalope]

Rose discussion

[jerkalope]

Nue turn in

[jerkalope]

Nue discussion

[jerkalope]

[ you don't know, maybe he can get some help from a judge! ]

Queen turn in

[jerkalope]

Queen discussion

[jerkalope]

[ or villainous monologuing, we aren't here to judge that ]

General discussion

[jerkalope]

At least it wasn't that vinegar hill rhyme...

Round 3: Smart Sheep or Stupid Sheep

[crittersheep]

Rules and Results

[jerkalope]

Coming in from our last round, Queen earned 900 points. Rose had 900 but then the other judge said boo so...700 and Nue coming in with a respectable 700 for extra points and being the only one not to involve death. But it's still anybody's game, or Rose's once we finish tallying the first round points. But onto our third game! Smart Sheep or Stupid Sheep.

We all know you're supposed to be teaching those cud chewers how to have a personality, but some take on faster than others. I'll show you a picture and you're going to guess if the sheep will do something stupid or smart. Get it right, you get 100 points. You can also guess why they look stupid or smart, and if the answer is humorous or insightful enough, you'll get 100 points. Got it?

First example is of a sweet little lamb. Now, is this lamb one that would follow Mary to school or should we say it's been left back a few times?
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Next up! A sheep basking in the light. Is it because they theoretically have a lightbulb moment or are they a permanently dim bulb?
2



Third on our list is a real stumper. Can you guess what this sheep is going to be doing based on its butt alone? Maybe it's because it's being coy, or maybe it doesn't know its front from its backside.
3



Hoho! My favorite because it involves an experiment! Do you think this sheep passed with flying colors or did it flunk out?
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